Today fucking sucks, and it isnt even over yet!!!!!!!!! I still have to go to fucking work. I hate my fucking job. It's all the same tedious mediocrity every fucking day. All the good people left or are leaving and its like this fucking place haunts the narrative of my life. I'm so pissed off about my schedule right now and the fact that nothing is ever made clear. Yesterday was absolute hell on earth, I nearly fucking passed out running back and forth just to deal with the same ungrateful inpatient people that I always deal with.

Honestly, I feel like I fucking lost myself. Sitting here today after class i was like...... well now what. I finished all my homework for once and I have like an hour to kill. But IDK what to do with it. Even though I've been literally BEGGING for having time to my fucking self. It's like.. i didnt plan on what im doing.

And its like.. well, fack. What do I like to do? Listen to music.. but thats all I've been doing thats boring. Draw, but that takes too long I wont finish anything. Burn CDs.. Still takes too long. And I have no music to burn. Clean? Boring as fuck. Already did that. Doomscroll? So I can zone out until I have t leave and it doesn't even feel like i had an hour in the first place? It doesnt help that the weather is fucking crap. Making my mood even worse. I fucking WOKE UP in a bad mood. I thought I was doing better the past few days!!! This is always how it goes. The first three days of the week suck balls, thursday comes and im feeling better, im in a great mood the rest of the week, thinking thank GOD those days are finally over and I feel like me again. Then REPEAT. Without fail. It's like... do I even have control over this shit? How CAN I have control over this shit? I cant even shut my thoughts off. I've thought about some wild solutions to my problems, like a beer or something, but that isnt me.

And then trying to figure out what the fuck I want to do with my life. I thought I knew what I wanted, then I had a week long career fucking crisis. At least I figured it out now. I think.

I just dont know what im fucking doing with my life. Im always in a bad mood and I feel fucking bad when I show it to some people but its like. IDK. It just feels like I cant control it. I dont miss feeling like this, but it isnt new. And i never did figure out how to cope. it just... went away after awhile.

IDK, maybe venting like this will help. I hope it does. Most of the time it does but i guess we'll wait and see.

WELCOME to my rant and vent section that I have to hard code everything too, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is ultimately what the entire focus of my site is about, the other stuff is just.. random storage lawl

I feel like I should probably put in a disclaimer of something here, but idk what. I guess just the usual "leave if u don't like." thing

Basic DNI Criteria blah blah blah

Another friendly reminder that I'm still not my source.